worth discovering.

After all this time, sometimes I wonder if you even know me.

I want to be adored. I'm not asking to be number one. I don't want to be the center of your world (I want that to be God, your family, your goals and dreams) I don't want to be your destination; I want to be your travel partner on the way to our destination..together.

I guess I want you to want to know me. But the sad fact is that you don't even notice that you don't know the little things about me, my past, the things that make up me. The thing is its not that I hide these small details of who I am, I'm just not like you in the fact that its easy to talk about myself, and tell stories of events and people of my life. It takes time, and it takes an open place where I feel safe enough to finally open up and those things finally just kind of come out. It sometimes takes someone taking the time to dig deeper into me to discover me.

You are satisfied with the surface. I want you to care, to be all about me. [is that selfish? It sure feels selfish to put on paper. or is it okay to want your lover to feel that way about you and treat you that way?] To want to know the intimate details of my soul. To dream with me. I want you to be able to recognize when I start to share parts of my soul, and actually listen..not just hurry off the phone- because that hurts. I want to talk about nothing for hours and it really be something. I don't want you to be someone who lives hundreds of miles away from me telling me you have nothing to say to me when you haven't seen me in days and the past week we haven't held a conversation over 40 minutes. But I think...you probably didn't realize that either.

Then you surprise me sometimes and call the next day and apologize for being short or for not calling; and it shows me that maybe you are trying, trying to change, making more of an effort, and my hope lives on. But I still remain longing for that connection. Longing to be adored, desired, and known.

I love you. I truly do. And this love has never been an easy one. It has definitely taught me more that love doesn't change even when you see a person's ugliness. Reality has hit me in the face more than once and the feeling inside of me has not changed. But I do have certain needs and desires. I hope and pray that you can see me. I want to be worth discovering. . .